Dayton police chased a car-denting goat for 90 minutes and named him Cardio. Now he lives on a farm with roughly 50 new goat neighbors.

Folks, for months police in Ohio kept hearing the same complaint: a runaway goat was hopping onto parked cars, scratching and denting them, and getting away clean. The Seattle Times, carrying a Washington Post story, reports that when Dayton police got a call last month that the goat was loose again, three officers raced to the scene. "I wanted to find the goat so I could pet it, mostly," Sgt. Salli Jones said. "But also, you know, it is a problem if things are getting damaged." About 90 minutes and two miles later, through suburban streets, yards and woods, an officer slipped a snare around the goat's neck and yelled, "Got the goat!" The officers named him Cardio, for the workout. Cardio, a year old and about 35 pounds, wasn't trying to live a life of crime, police said. He was following his species' instinct to climb high surfaces that mimic the steep, rocky terrain his ancestors lived on, and in Dayton the closest thing to a mountain was a parked sedan. He's an Oberhasli, a dairy breed that originated in Switzerland, and Jones said he had escaped at least seven times. His owner surrendered him to the Humane Society of Greater Dayton, which advertised for a home with goat friends, patient people and "for everyone's sake, a reasonable distance from parked cars." Cassie Keeton, 47, who lives on a goat farm in Fairborn with her husband, Josh, read his backstory and laughed. "We got to go after him," she recalled thinking. She drove him home in a truck with the license plate GOAT TRK, and he has already bonded with two goats named Eva and GarE among roughly 50 new neighbors. "The last thing we want," Keeton said, "is him vandalizing somebody else's car." Here's the landing, folks: Cardio was never a bad goat, just a mountain climber in the wrong ZIP code. Put anybody where they fit, and the dents stop.