Police in Monroe Township, N.J., report a "brief foot pursuit (we won)" of a very slow suspect: Mikey the sulcata tortoise, now back home.

Folks, the Monroe Township Police Department in Gloucester County, New Jersey, had a pursuit on Monday, Sept. 28, and I'm happy to report it was a slow one. The Philadelphia Inquirer reports that officers found a large sulcata tortoise near Church Street and Academy Street wandering "without identification, registration, or any explanation as to where he was headed," as the department put it. The tortoise appeared to be about two feet wide and around three feet long. Police posted his photos under the headline "FOUND: ONE VERY SLOW-MOVING SUSPECT." Then came the arrest report every department should aspire to: "After a brief foot pursuit (we won), the suspect was safely taken into custody." The Gloucester County Animal Shelter took it from there and identified him as Mikey, also known as Michael Angelo, a nod to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. "While his namesake might have been famous for fighting crime in the sewers, this Mikey's biggest adventure was apparently making a great escape and going on a little neighborhood tour," the shelter said. Mikey has since been reunited with his owner, who thanked the shelter "for keeping Michelangelo until we could come get him." The owner reported that the tortoise "arrived home unbothered, well-rested, and showing absolutely no remorse." Here's the landing. The police had fun, the shelter had fun, the owner got his tortoise back, and the only one who never broke a sweat was the suspect. Credit to a police department and a county shelter that know how to do a good deed with a straight face. Moral of the story, folks: check the fence, and if you spot a three-foot tortoise strolling down the road, call it in. He's not lost. He's just between appointments.